InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "I'm the woman."

(un)tabitha (not)bagnold (sparklemotion) wrote,
@ 2009-02-23 01:55:00

Warded private; readable to Elsie, Meaghan, Pepper, Lily, Ioan

My mother is dead.

I can't even grieve for her publicly without casting suspicion upon myself and my husband and what will one day be my family. There hasn't even been a news report on it. For all intents and purposes, she has merely been lost to the ether, a death wound up in this revolting political game that makes my head spin and my heart ache.

It's in my nature to be overwrought at small things, I can't deny it -- but this. This seems so horrible a tragedy that I can do nothing but sit and be silent and wish that I had said a hundred different things when she was alive. That I hadn't argued with her, that I hadn't been such a wretched daughter. All I have left is memories and the hope that she can be proud of me.

I'm so SORRY mum. I should have, could have, would have -----

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tabitha.

justaformality
2009-02-23 08:53 am UTC (link)

it kills me that you are in this kind of pain. of course you are, she's your mother, but i wish i could say the right kind of phrase to bring her back to you well and whole.

but you weren't no wretched daughter, either. you were a good, loving girl who was there for her in the best of times and the worst of times. you've got her inside you, tabitha. you're one-half millicent. she's living on in you. i see her in you.

we could take out an ad in the prophet - any paper, i don't care - a whole page, and talk about everything good she did.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	ioan sparklemotion 2009-02-23 04:39 pm UTC (link)
	I think I want to do that, yeah. Are you in the rookery, I'm coming out. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	tabitha. justaformality 2009-02-23 04:40 pm UTC (link)
	yeah, i'll meet you at the fence. (Reply to this) (Parent)

Tabitha.

secretheart
2009-02-23 10:43 am UTC (link)

I find the worst part of going through grief is that it does nothing to teach you how to help others deal with it.

You will be angry, you will be wracked with guilt, you will even, at times, feel absolutely nothing. You have to accept the grief, and make it a part of you. You have to decide that simply because your life is not going to be the same, because you have lost someone so dear to you, that you will still live your life--that you won't let it beat you down. No one who loved you would want you to live in despair. Your mother would not want you to become nothing more than a wretch.

When the worst of it is over, which will happen sooner than you think, I promise, what you must tell yourself is that you will live your life in a way that honours your mother's, instead of living your life obsessed with her death.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	Meaghan. sparklemotion 2009-02-23 04:49 pm UTC (link)
	thanks Meg. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Tabitha. secretheart 2009-02-23 05:07 pm UTC (link)
	Any time. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Same pickledpepper 2009-02-23 12:51 pm UTC (link)
	~~She did lo~~ ~~She wouldnt of got so~~ (Reply to this)

	Same pickledpepper 2009-02-23 01:00 pm UTC (link)
	She would'nt of have bothered arguing if she didn't think it was worthit. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Same sparklemotion 2009-02-23 04:47 pm UTC (link)
	I know but I shouldn't have yelled and argued and (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Same pickledpepper 2009-02-23 04:50 pm UTC (link)
	Fuck that. She wouldn't've wanted you to be a doormat. You're feisty. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Pepper sparklemotion 2009-02-23 04:54 pm UTC (link)
	Pepper I told her I hated her (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Tibby pickledpepper 2009-02-23 04:56 pm UTC (link)
	Everyone says that to their mothers, she probably did too, she knows you didn't mean it (Reply to this) (Parent)